I’m sorry for the length of this post but I can’t really explain how ADHD was affecting my life, before getting the diagnosis. I’ve actually been being diagnosed twice, as I’ve changed services. So in my case it’s pretty conclusive. …but this is my story.
So I got my first proper diagnosis for ADHD as an adult in rehab for the 4th time, after successfully kicking a 20 year long heroin and crack habit. I was an IV user for most of it and I’m lucky to be alive and relatively ok. I was a poIy user, so I was addicted to shooting uo snowballs which are crack/powdered coke and heroin in one hit and benzodiazepines, Valium/rivitrol/Xanax etc so I was ODing all the time, too many to count but one time twice in 2 weeks I remember it because it was winter and I’d wake up on bed in a resus room and they’d have had to cut off my T-shirt to defibrillate me and re start my heart due to the crack, and they’d have given naaloxone which would bring the me out of the opiate overdose but would put me into instant withdrawals when I woke up, and also no t shirt or jacket, so I had to steal a jacket I found laying about the hospital, and walked 3 miles in order to spend my last tenner on a bag ot gear to get well, instead of using it for a bus or taxi.
Two weeks later (the day I got my benefit payment which is clearly the pattern), I was found laying prone on my building front porch…same shit again, they cut off my clothes, and just decided to fucking walk it bare chested, still covered in stickers for the heart monitor from whitehawk to hove where I was living, which is a mission especially when you’re sick as fuck, in the end I met someone In the street to buy a bag off and had a hit in the toilets of a church… It wasn’t cheap either son I was doing petty crimes and eventual got arrested and given a dlr to complete treatment. I had to get clean anyway to see the local psychiatric team, I was assessed and diagnosis with several mental health disorders ( General anxiety disorder and severe depression, more recently I was diagnosed with severe PTSD and have completed my first 3 months of therapy, but I’ll most likely be having them regular for some of one yet)
While I lived in Brighton for years, many of them clean, in 2018 i relapsed hard and had a drug induced psychotic episode, which got me sectioned and ultimately back In Newcastle, my home town. I got moved to the local ADHD service up here, which took some doing as they have a huge waiting list. I found out that they are considered one of the best NHS clinic for ADHD and Autism in the country. They manage my medication, I have to submit to drug testing because the local drug and alcohol service actually work together! I found out that something like 80% of people which adult ADHD are more likely to end up as drug addicts, and engaging in criminal activity, or sexually Promiscuous or all three, and many low level criminals or kids getting into drugs could be prevented by early diagnosis. It can be an awful condition, but it does have some benefits. I can talk for England and have the gift of the gab, I can hyper focus on anything that I find interesting I managed to do a degree in music tech with a heroin and crystal meth habit. I even got good grades, they also diagnosed my with dyslexia an dyspraxia, both of which are linked to ADHD.
They took my off Ritalin as I hated it, the side effects where making me more anxious than before. I was given Elvanese (lis- dexamphetamine) and I’ve gotta say it’s changed my life, from basic day to day stuff like washing some dishes or paying a bill, to the stupid impulsive behaviour and drug seeking/craving. It literally keeps me clean, or at least gives me clarity and an easy way to say ‘no, this will pass’ : I can see a task that needs doing, agree that I should just do it, and it’s done…
That might sound simple to some people, but I was unable to function as an adult before. My life was an absolute fuxking mess either high or sober and I had and still have much work to do. Making music is and always has been my main way of catharsis, and emotional release. I’ve always been creative, in many ways, but music is something I took to as a toddler almost and everything I learned was be ear until I got proper music lessons. Just listening to an album js enough to transport me, as I’m not focusing on anything but the sounds and I can pick apart it’s construction, production, the themes and ideas in the lyrics… I have a ton of interests now that I can channel my energy, but music and particularly sound design and electronic music is what captures me.
Having ADHD didn’t make me self destruct, there are many factors, and it would of still been there and needing treatment…I left school when I was 14, I was physically and mentally abused by my drunk father and scared to be there most the people time, so I ran away and got jnto taking drugs for fun and to escape. At first it was relatively innocent but I took absolutely everything, mdma, speed, psychedelics to the extreme… but when I was 16 and I smoked crack and heroin for the first time, that was it, I guilting someone much older (a junkie who I still know and have a friendship with today both being clean) into showing me how to shoot up and that was that, and I just couldn’t stop. I had sepsis twice, and have no surface veins left, I was hitting up in my groin and neck even, I was physical fucked, 6’1 and 8 stone… it to mention all the friends and just associates that died among the way, two of them best friends of mine and so many more I stopped counting.
Sorry about the length of time his post btw, it’s a tough one to explain with out the context surrounding it. Adult ADHD is serious, you’re talking about people engaging in often risky behaviours, and many people end up in jail or dead cos they did some stupid and impulsive. It has its positives too, and knowing you do for sure have it, and getting the right treatment is super important.
