Heard Louis CK tell this joke on a podcast recently, such an economy of words.
The thread title made me immediately think of Steven Wright, who is undoubtedly on the podium of one-liner comics.
There’s tons of great ones, but here’s a few:
“This morning, I folded my bed back into a couch. I nearly broke both arms because it’s not that kind of bed.”
“My dog is a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him”
“I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.”
“I was at the grocery store the other day and I saw this guy pushing this long line of shopping carts and i yelled to him, 'Hey, somebody else might want to use one of those”
“my grandmother said, come over here. i said why? she said just come over here. so i went over. she said here’s $5, don’ t tell your mother i gave it to you. i said, it’ll cost you more than that”
“When I was a child, we had a sandpit. It was a quicksand pit. I was an only child…eventually.”
“I once accidentally swapped my car keys for the house keys. When I put the ignition key in the door it started up the house. So I drove it around for awhile. A cop eventually pulled me over. He asked me where I lived. I said: ‘Right here.’”
“I had a dream that I was robbed. When I woke-up, everything in my apartment had been replaced by an exact duplicate.”
I like escalators because they never break, they just become stairs. You should never see an “escalator out of order” sign,
just “escalator, temporarily stairs”… sorry for the convenience.