I haven’t been on the market in a bit, but what generally worked for me was some mix of in person mingling and some online discussion or engagement in between (so you actually could know some of the individual personalities and they could be aware of you.)
So not quite dating through non-dating sites, but not not that either.
Needing to meet new people, needing excuses for groups of people to meet, and excuses for sub-groups of the first to self-direct hangouts and further deepen connections.
Only online can be its own potempkin village and I don’t doubt there are people on there who similarly do not have enough energy to pursue.
So how can you meet new people, with less spoons taken in the process?
They always say it’s when you’re not looking. Has proven mostly right for me, but obviously it’s not gonna happen if you’re holed up. Work on new skills and general self improvement and it will likely translate to your outward self for someone to see.
If you like music and dancing, look for inexpensive classes and activities that get you out and about learning new stuff in a group environment.
If you live near mountains, take a hiking or trail running class. If you live near water, find one of the sub $100 sailing classes and do that. Or volunteer at the zoo, aquarium or soup kitchen.
I think the key thing to meeting people - romantic or otherwise - is to ensure that you are having fun in a somewhat social context. I’m not going to run into anyone other than my wife if I’m jamming on my Monomachine in my home office/studio. If I’m helping a friend fix their boat, there is an endless stream of marina chatter I can tap into if I want.
Of course, the nuclear option is to get a dog and hang out at the dog park.
Sure did! After about 6 months of intensive dating app use that led to absolutely nothing but 1 or 2 friendly connections I ran into this awesome lady, the oldschool way, at a techno party I played at, and in contrast to the first time I met her she now was single and we haven’t left each other’s side since. It’s been almost 4 months now.
Somehow I’m happy it didn’t happen via an app but live, deep into the night in a dirty, smokey, sweaty techno club
i guess i lucked out but after a harrowing 2022 i met someone amazing on Bumble. i love her for who she is but tbf i love her vintage Beosystem, expertly curated record collection, and cat too. never give up no matter how shit things can get, you all deserve love and dignity xxxxx
Unfortunately I live in Atlanta. Last time I did that, a few weeks ago, I ended up with a stripper and her bottle girl friends.
I’ve had luck with Hinge. I dated one woman for 3 months, before we realized there were obstacles we could not overcome. I circled back to someone I first talked to on the same day, from Hinge, but that I passed on. Big mistake at the time, but I also probably wouldn’t have been ready. She is amazing. We discussed starting as friends, or maybe just being friends, when she talked to me again… but she isn’t acting like that necessarily and it doesn’t feel like that when we are together. We’ll see what happens. I’ve never felt a spark like that before. I’m still seeing others, though too.
I’ve probably met 15 people on Hinge since January 1st. Mostly good.
Yeah, Bumble sounds the best so far (ethical people involved, and small world one of the founders was pretty involved in the Seattle synth scene) as things go but as someone who struggles with energies I need some mix of low-stress online chat and IRL tether to get people engaged.
At first that bothered me too.
But after going on a bunch of dates, I liked the simplicity of it and then going on a date to find out all the things.
Plus, so many people say stuff in messages and bios that doesn’t match the perception the other person has about the words written.
For example, someone could say, “I’m into making music” and the other person could take that as a good or bad thing, but decides they like the persons company regardless.
Also, when thinking about asking people out in person, it’s about getting to know them in person.
In the end I decided the point was to go on a date.
Also makes sense. I tend to overthink things, which is great when a friend gets me to check over their resume or dating CV… but sometimes you have to acknowledge the energy it takes to reduce a person to a series of conventional bulletpoints and just take that “risk” to energy to make it to the meetup stage.
I imagine some of us on the forum are also non-neurotypical so getting to presence will screen out who gets along with my vibe pretty early versus those who will not buy what I am selling
EXACTLY.
And bad experiences on any end can certainly hinder out of safety, spoons, and general hesitancy to leave the house these days.
If you’re already out of the house, you’ll be more likely to engage with someone low-risk and with greater potential for a connection.
I had been on dates with people whos bio seemed perfect only to find out we didn’t click at all.
And I’ve had wonderful times with people who I found very little interest in what they had written about themselves.
I’d say most people don’t like writing about themselves and have a biased opinion.
Dating and ultimately being in a relationship is about taking chances and being flexible
Marriage is due to a site with a hybrid webforum/in person meetup over the span of a few years, my last LTR was from someone I talked to for a few years online then moved to be with, prior to that I met someone at a concert and spent all night chatting to them…
I’ve had a nice relationship with someone I’ve met on a “dating” site, but that was pure luck and someone whose brain absolutely matched my non-NTness, but ethical polyamory is exponentially more difficult than maintaining one relationship well
I’m in a sexual relationship with a few women, but 2 of them will not likely go further, one certainly won’t. The third I could see myself with and would end it with the other two for, if it gets there. They don’t know of each other, aside from knowing I am dating other people. I’m not sure where that falls in the spectrum of monogamy or wtv. We use safe practices, and test and use protection. Am not in a romantic relationship with exclusivity with anyone. I THINK that is still ethical.
I mean the reliable way is to is to find safe and comfortable ways to meet up sooner than later, the longer you only know someone online the more likely it’ll be a time and emotional drain and less likelihood of meeting up IRL.
Plenty of “blackmail scams” use faked webcam videos that they can puppeteer in realtime, like a FMV videogame.
now you’ll never know which Bitcoin exchange to use to 10000000x your money
Yeah, “prefer” myself in the case that triangulating the emotions of humans i care about is difficult and can be mutually exclusive, risk/reward is not advantageous there. I like different experiences and appreciate meeting new people in my 40s, but the romantic aspects are a huuuuuge timesuck when I need focus for art and day job and the base level domestic tasks
